It's been a year since I was a teenager. I still feel the same; everywhere I go, my blood boils despite my attempt to lower the flame; I always reach the conclusion that I'm filled with suppressed rage which I can't find a proper outlet for my emotions. Most of the time when I take my empty heart along to confide in others, they scoff and brush it off. They may not mean it in a mocking manner, but I take it personally - as if they're really laughing at me.
All I've longed for in the past year, was for someone to confide in; someone who would understand. But how often is it that someone is knocked down by a car? Rarely. So I never expect anyone to understand how I feel. So I don't expect to find someone who would understand. "God will understand"/ I can't see him or hear him and I'm just a human. Of course after going through what some consider "traumatic", I'm longing for a human touch. I've had enough of this spiritual gibberish. I need something easy and simple to understand. Sure I believe God is real, he exists. That is as far as religion (or a relationship) will take me. Come as you are, as you were; as I want you to be - as a friend, as I want you to be. That's all I want.
I'm back to listening to good grunge music; Kurt Cobain. I love every Nirvana song, Come As You Are, being my favourite, topping Smells Like Teens Spirit. I'm not sure what it is, but every Nirvana song has that "care less" attitude that I like.
That's it for today, goodnight!
Mark
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