Expressing yourself. New year's resolution. Why a life partner.

So it's been four days that I've had bought an actual diary. At first I thought that having a blog would be enough. As it turns out, apparently not. Though I'm an open person, there are still certain events in life that I'd like to keep to myself. I'll be vague on this, so bear with me. There are those awful dark days which you'd probably experience seldom, but they will come to pass, no doubt. As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't want to trouble anyone else, but myself, with my own worries, no matter how minute. Lest I've spent my December with anxieties. So this is where I need the diary. Jotting down my day's troubles is going to be an outlet of my emotions, since talking can be a problem lest I can't get the words out properly. At least when I journal down in a diary and should I be stuck in my sentences, I'll have time to think through about the right word to use in that moment. Even right now, I'm typing a phrase at a time, taking long pauses to think of what I want to convey through my words. Have you ever experienced a time when the words are hard to come forth? Or you know what you want to say but suddenly your mind goes blank and you're wondering what did you wanted to say previously? Well that's what I'm going through right now and it can get so frustrating, right to the brink where you feel your head, or at least your brain, will implode. Well that's the reason why, in the first place, that I decided a blog will do me good. Now I feel I'll need both. Now I've got a blog, a diary, I've got music, the piano, going to learn drums all over again, I've got all these mediums where I can express myself. Previously I kept everything to myself. I was a boiling pot, a volcano ready to erupt, and finally I've got everything almost-in-control. Now I've still got these emotions trembling beneath me, at least they aren't severe tremors and won't lead to anything really serious, unlike before are thoughts I wouldn't want to rethink. Now let's talk about the new year. Are you making any new year's resolutions? I've made one. Don't do anything porn-related. Don't let your thoughts run wild, what I've already done is rather minuscule but to me, it's bad enough. I can't be too hard on myself, I'm a human like everyone else; we all make mistakes. As far as my thoughts have taken me, as far as my heart has gone, I'm positive I want a partner in life, I can't live through those suicidal moments all over again. I'll need someone physical to lean on when I'm getting weak in the chink of my armor. God is always there, but even though that may be the case, I'll need someone I can see, feel, and touch. Y'know, suddenly I'm reminded of Blink 182's song, "Always". "C'mon let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always." That's the first part of the song, but I love the whole song. Blink 182 forever. The song really has a feel-good theme to it. It's really a nice song, take a listen.